Open Question: Been depressed since I was 7. I'm 14 now and sick of it. help!?

i've been depressed since I was 6 or 7. I still am up to this day and i'm 14, almost 15. I enjoy my time with friends and family but at night, I get depressed and hate everything. I've attempted suicid a few years ago, I wasnt cought because I stopped myself before I could do it. It was hard, but I did it. I have thoughts of suicide everynight. No one knows about my being depressed because I dont let them see it, I plaster a fake smile on everyday. The thing is, im sick of it and want help. but help isnt an option. I cant tell my parents, its somthing I can never even think of doing. Telling my doctor isnt somthing I can do eaither. I've held it in for so long, how can u expect me to come out and tell? I just need to find a way to help MYSELF. Any ways I can MAKE myself better?