I just figured out 99% sure that I may have herpes. I went to get checked out today, But they said to come back on friday since there was no nurse practitioners there. I was happy till maybe few days ago. I come from an abusive house hold and I am trying to rebuild myself physically and emotionally. Not long ago , few months ago , I went through sex addiction. I am not someone who would contact strangers for sexual reasons. But I did and now I am paying for it. Also My x-gf she had canker sores and I may have gotten it from her since she performed oral sex on me Once. No matter How I got it , I am a completely changed man now , I moved away from that place where I was living in , I am more focused, I am working out regularly . Try to work on whatever problems that come across. The reason Why i left my abusive household was because my dad came after me with a knife and that was the moment I said" ok this is it, I am out of here". That was 2 and a half years ago . But this is just too much for me .I had so many visions of the future. Now I feel like it's all gone. I can't have any sexual relationship with a women because I am not the kind of guy who's gonna hit it and quit. I will feel immense guilt. At the same time I don't want to tell a girl before we get intimate either that I have this disease because that's a big emotional scene that's being created and I am done with all that, I had enough of it at my house from my parents since I could remember. If I don't get married, then I won't be looked at by the society as a good human being because they will think there is something wrong and I will be alienated even more. I feel like I am in a catch 22 situation. I feel so depressed I haven't eaten anything whole day. I live 2,000 miles away from my family and noone knows where I live. I had everything planned out . But now I feel like who am I , if I can't even reproduce ..